dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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