Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
