Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
