It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
