you win again, gameday.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
