im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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