I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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