I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
