he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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