My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
