Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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