So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize