I can text with my tongue
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
