So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
