i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
