Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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