so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
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Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Your penis caused this!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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