I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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