he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
