I'll bet she douches with gravy.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
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Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out