evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.