Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?