Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He? As in you personified your dick?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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