I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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