don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
