Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm like, not good at living.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
