I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
