i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
