Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
