he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
