Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
