Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
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I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize