There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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