Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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