I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
this will be a night to untag.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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