I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
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His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
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I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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