I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
