smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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