I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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