dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
