you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
