i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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