I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize