sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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