It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize