I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
