With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
