my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize