Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Is it penis luge time yet?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
