White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
