The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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