Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
