well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
