How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
