he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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