wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
