ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
