SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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