My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
