walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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