i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
