how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
