You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
