well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
